To Phallus of not to Phallus...

I am in the process of writing a mini-huge-thesis for a class whose professor seems to quiver with an odd glee (that I would rather not comprehend) whenever the words 'erect', 'phallus', 'gynocomorphized', etc., etc., are breathed. I feel some shame, yet pride, at the 'literary jewels' (seen in following example, among my best), I have explicitly littered throughout my essay:
"The theme of Fertility, the male and female, their seed and growth, explodes onto the building's façade. From the roof of the entrance, these man-made piers hold two erect phallus-fountains, spewing fertile eggs suspended in a foliated bed."
Too much, eh? The catch: I have to present this paper in front of a group of esteemed professors and colleagues, with a straight face.