its a date!

So after much wait, debate, waking up late, and a bit of fate, it's a date. This morning, I showed up at work and they were mowing the pristine front lawn (pray tell, only this institution could have a pristine front lawn in the downtown core). The smell was intoxicating. A first whiff at summer, happiness, relief, change, EXHILARATION! (Girly insert: Green grass inspired the purchase of a funky new green bag, now dubbed 'the frog', later in the day)

I'll miss smiling faces left behind for sure (and the tiny gift bugs). But for now, no sadness, I just want to bask in the here and now, in the joy of balanced mutuality: me wanting something and it wanting me back. To smell the bliss of being what I have wanted to be for the past three years, if not my whole life.

Second date?

I don't know what is worse. Not knowing when important news will come (yet expecting it), or knowing EXACTLY when the blow, good or bad, will hit. Exhilaration. Relief. Grief. Joy. Sadness. Which one of these will I be allowed to fête on said date.

Yes, after the unexpected Out-of-the-office Friday (screwing me into a THIRD painfully stretched-out weekend, argh!), the Finally-the-end-of-my-torture-today Monday arrives. Monday is TODAY.

Youpi. Well, whatever, at this point. The wait has made me indifferent. It has made me forget. I have to remind myself that I want this, what this even is. Oh, yeah, that. What did he look like again? Oh, yeah.

Today, it is final. I shall know (I don't want to know, why can't it be tomorrow?). Today = Relief. Mixed with exhilaration? Grief? Joy? Sadness? Take your pick, ladies and gents. A cocktail laced with all of the above, yet watered down, since it seems, finally, the dream opportunity is not mine for the taking... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Sadness on the rocks.

BUT wait...WAIT (yes, 'wait' is the key word here), because surprise, surprise, a second dream exists on the same cloud. But no one knows of this second dream, not even my date. He has to find out more before he can promise me the moon (yet he promises it to me anyways, in the shape of a definite proposal). But I have to wait. I have to wait for Put-it-in-my-agenda-to-call-you-and-let-you-know-if-you-are-hired Wednesday. Ha.

There will be no second date, there will be no 'when, oh, when will he call, maybe today'. It's all or nothing, and at the same time, it's not all, nor is it nothing, but most of all, it's not bloody today, it's Wednesday!