When push comes to shove

How odd is it that a fight makes me feel good? Every time... like a storm before my clear-headed calm, where I see things for what they are (or are not) and just chill and say 'whatever'.
Also, that I finally manage to get a wee something that normally would not have peeked its head out of its hole, beit an answer, reaction, or whatnot. I get a much needed clarification that helps me along my way. Oh, this makes it sound like I am just begging for a confrontation. If so, it is completely unknowingly (if only naïve me could be so calculative and I could have such timing!). Why would I push if I do not want to be shoved?